President as Mameleh

At the opening of his 100-day news conference tonight, Teleprompter-in-Chief Barack Obama chided Americans as a mother might scold her 5-year-old child.

"Wash your hands," he said, and "cover your mouth when you cough."

At his next major press event, the President will likely tell us to "wipe your feet" and, "What? Were you born in a barn? Close the door behind you. I'm not paying to heat the whole neighborhood!"

Frankly, I want a president who does not condescend to his constituents.




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