'The Envelope, Please . . .'

For those of you who went to sleep Sunday night -- or was it Monday morning? -- thinking that Martin Scorcese was the big winner for his twisted crime drama, The Departed, think again.

Scorcese -- who accepted his Oscar from three of his nearest peers (Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg) -- has some catching up to do, because the weekend's biggest award winner was Michael Lucas, whose La Dolce Vita took home 14 trophies.

Who is Michael Lucas? What is La Dolce Vita? Fair questions, since I always thought La Dolce Vita was directed by Federico Fellini and released in 1960, not 2006.

According to Edge Boston,

Capping an astonishing night at the Castro Theatre, Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita made GAYVN history tonight with wins in 14 categories, including Best Picture, at the annual ceremony.

Though it’s not unusual for individual movies to be rich in nominations, it is extremely rare for a movie to garner double-digit wins. The previous record holder, Buckshot Productions’ BuckleRoos, won 11 awards in 2005.

Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita has the further distinction of winning an award in every category in which it was nominated.

That's right: Eclipsing the combined success of The Departed, Pan's Labyrinth, and Little Miss Sunshine, the inconvenient truth is that La Dolce Vita swept this years gay adult video awards.

If the San Francisco Chronicle report is accurate, the GAYVN ceremony was the place to be last Saturday night, with famously B-list comedienne Kathy Griffin hosting and local celebrities dotting the crowd:

The night honored some deserving industry pioneers with lifetime achievement awards, including San Franciscan Peter Berlin. The nominated documentary on his life, however, lost out to "Gay Sex in the 70s."

The weekend highlighted San Francisco's position as the capital of the gay porn industry. Elected officials -- including Assemblyman Mark Leno, Mayor Gavin Newsom and City Treasurer Jose Cisneros -- penned official statements honoring Colt Studios, which celebrated its 40th anniversary Friday. City Supervisor Bevan Dufty worked the crowd in the lobby of the theater before the Saturday night ceremony.

If San Francisco is the capital of the gay porn industry, what does that make the San Fernando Valley? Is Congressman Brad Sherman not delivering for his constituents in the Fightin' 27th?