A Grammar Quiz for Father's Day

Courtesy of grammarly.com/grammar-check and just in time for Father's Day, we have this test of grammar acumen. Check your skills and be sure to share the results on social media!

Remember, Father's Day is the third Sunday in June each year -- Sunday, June 21, in 2015!

Christmas in Milwaukee - 1967

Back in 2008, I offered my recollections of how my family celebrated Christmas as I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s.

Now I have some videos to illustrate those memories.

I have transferred some ancient home movies, filmed with a Super-8 millimeter camera, to digital format. Through them, one can follow the holiday celebrations of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in the year 1967.

Yes, 44 years ago. Almost half a century. I was eight years old. I don't remember what it was like to be eight years old, but at least I can see myself then again.

First, the early evening of Christmas Eve. On this occasion, the rotating responsibility of hosting the Czuta family and its branches by marriage (Benkert, Geilenfeldt, Jaeger, Michalak, and Sincere) fell to my parents, so the party was held at our house in Wauwatosa.

Can you believe that one acceptable Christmas present in those days was a decorative ashtray? (Watch carefully and you'll see it.)

Next, my family took to the road -- no doubt leaving the wrapping paper on the floor and half-empty highball glasses on the bar -- to visit with the Sincere family. The first sequence is at my grandparents' home on North 49th Street, with most of my dad's brothers and sisters (especially those who were not yet married) finding their way there as well.

The later sequence is at the home of my Uncle Bill and Aunt Lucy. Note the several pre-teen boys dressed in tacky Batman costumes. (Adam West would appreciate the gesture if not the execution.) Christmas Eve was about the only time that we kids were allowed to stay up well past midnight. My guess is that this footage was shot around 2:00 a.m., even as Santa Claus was gliding up above to deliver his presents to all the good girls and boys.

I'm sure if I uploaded just the 30 seconds or so of the Batman boys, that video would go viral.

Finally, Christmas morning arrives and it is time to open up those presents left behind by St. Nick.

The first 3'30" of this video takes place at the foot of the artificial Christmas tree at my own family's home on West Derby Avenue in Wauwatosa. The gifts that I open up, as toy poodle Tabitha bounds through the discarded wrapping paper, include a toy called "Incredible Edibles" and a "GI Joe Official Space Capsule," commemorating NASA's Gemini program. I also received a bowling ball (it weighed eight pounds, one pound for each year of my age, and did not yet have finger holes drilled into it).

Later, we traveled to the home of my grandparents, Chester and Josephine Michalak, on Spring Drive in Brookfield. Santa left behind a big haul for me and my cousins, Julie and Sheri (my sister, Cathy, and their sister, Jennifer, had not yet been born; our other cousins, Jason and Chris, were more than a decade in the future). Apparently I really liked that tacky Batman costume, since I wore it Christmas morning.

Whether this was a history lesson or simply an exercise in nostalgia, I don't know.

In any case, I wish you a Merry Christmas (1967!) and a Happy New Year!

Gay Marriage Causes Polygamy?

The radio and television news is pouncing on the massive child custody proceeding that began today in San Angelo, Texas, in regard to the children who were (at least temporarily) made wards of the state and taken from their parents, who lived in an unconventional local society dominated by a fundamentalist Mormon sect that encourages men to take multiple wives. (The shorthand for this arrangement is "polygamist sect.")

Addressing this case last week in the Washington Times, Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council wrote:

The recent raid on the Texas compound of a religious sect that practices polygamy has raised again a number of issues regarding marriage, family, and sex. On the one hand, the existence of such a large group of practicing polygamists within our borders reinforces the concern that some have (which I share) that redefining marriage for the benefit of homosexuals would put us on a slippery slope toward other redefinitions-including legalization of polygamy.

Had I been drinking while reading this, my immediate reaction would have been a spit-take. (The colloquial abbreviation of the thought I had is "WTF?")

The group he describes aspires to live a 19th-century lifestyle, protect itself from secular influence by geographically separating itself from the larger society, and bases its rigid rules on fundamentalist religious beliefs. Yet Peter Sprigg wants us to think that this conservative sect's marital practices are the result of liberalized attitudes toward homosexuality and a robust public debate about whether gay men and lesbians should be able to wed legally.

Isn't this more than a bit disingenuous?

I think Sprigg is just being silly. He's so obsessed with the private lives of gay and lesbian couples that he thinks any unconventional living arrangements emerge only because of increased tolerance of homosexuals. Given that he uses gay marriage as a "hook" for his article on an entirely unrelated topic, his mode of thinking likely rests on the slogan, "If it's wrong, it must be gay."

If his absurd cause-and-effect argument were true, why aren't these weird fundamentalist compounds being built in Massachusetts or Vermont? Why do they pop up in places like rural Texas and Utah, where the animus against gay people (and opposition to same-sex marriage) is so pronounced?

Do people like Sprigg even ask these questions before jumping to unwarranted conclusions?

Super-Happy Birthday-Bowl

Joanne Michalak Sincere would have relished the idea of her birthday and the Super Bowl coinciding.

This was not just because she was a great football fan but also because she was the consummate hostess -- a suburban Milwaukee version of Perle Mesta who adored entertaining. To combine two reasons to throw a party would have been an unmatched delight for her.

Today would have been my mother's 70th birthday, and my most vivid memories of her come from those many occasions in which she hosted a party for a host of reasons: birthdays, wedding anniversaries, baby showers, baptisms, First Communions, confirmations, Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Halloween, the Fourth of July, New Year's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Super Bowl Sunday.

My mother's twin loves of football and entertaining would have been combined in countless ways if it had been possible, during her lifetime, for the Super Bowl to be scheduled on February 3 instead of in January.

To put this in context, one must understand what the culture of Wisconsin is like with regard to the Green Bay Packers. Wisconsinites' obsession with the Packers makes metropolitan Washington's love affair with the Redskins look tepid in comparison.

I had not noticed this in my growing-up years. To be surrounded by Packermania in Wisconsin is much like being a fish, not noticing that one is surrounded by water. The phenomenon hit me about 10 years ago when I made a trip to Milwaukee for an October high school reunion and I realized that I was the virtually the only person in a crowded shopping mall not wearing green and gold.

My blinders may have been strong even as a youth, however. The last time I watched a Super Bowl game on TV -- or, to be more accurate, the last time I was in a room with the Super Bowl playing on television -- was the second time the Packers played in the Big Game. (Do the math.)

This indifference to football was not shared by my mother (or my father, either). Even in the years after my parents left Wisconsin for the desert climate of Las Vegas, they continued to wear Packer gear and even sought out a sports bar that specifically showed Packer games on its big screen. (Video poker was only a secondary draw.)

As for entertaining, my mother was not stingy with the spread. While preparing a big meal -- a standing rib roast on New Year's Day, a turkey on Thanksgiving, grilled steaks during the summer -- she would lay out hors d'oeuvres of numerous varieties:

There would be Vienna sausages or meatballs (or both) in a sauce made of equal parts ketchup and brown sugar; raw ground round of beef (not ground chuck or ground sirloin) slathered on cocktail rye with a big slice of Bermuda onion; baked pizza rolls or cheese puffs made with shredded cheddar and Bisquick mix; and deviled eggs. Ordinary snacks included mixed nuts, pretzels, and cheese and crackers (always Ritz or Saltines). In winter, we'd have pickled herring in wine or cream sauce, served with Triscuits or Wheat Thins. During the summer, she would bring out a crudite tray of sliced carrots, celery, cucumbers -- some from her own backyard garden -- and in the early '70s introduced the heretofore-unheard-of uncooked cauliflower or broccoli with a ranch dressing for dipping. (Unfortunately, when my mother cooked cauliflower or broccoli, it was boiled to death -- something attributable to the times, I guess, and a minor and forgivable flaw.)

For days ahead of a party, my mother would work hard to get the house in order, buying food and drinks -- always a full bar, with a double supply of brandy (it being Wisconsin) -- in advance, cooking what needed to be cooked, freezing what needed to be frozen, thawing what needed to be thawed, decorating according to the season. (Don't get me started on what was required to dress the house for Christmas. Other holidays were a bit more lax.)

She would assign me various tasks. (How else would I have learned the proper way to set a table, with all the silverware configured correctly, and napkins folded nicely on each plate?) I never saw a check list, but she surely must have kept one in her mind, because no matter how chaotic things seemed on the morning of an event, by the time guests arrived, everything was in order and my mom, the hostess, could enjoy the party as much as anyone else.

So it is no stretch of the imagination to suggest that, were she able to celebrate her birthday and Super Bowl Sunday simultaneously, my mother would be enjoying heaven on earth.

Friday Night Fish Fry

Some minor nostalgia wafted my way the other day when I came across an article in the Marquette Tribune, a student newspaper at Marquette University in Milwaukee. Written by Christopher Placek, the article (cutely headlined "Come fry with me") explains a unique Wisconsin custom, the Friday night fish fry.

When I was growing up in Milwaukee, Friday nights were precisely as Placek describes them:

Native Wisconsinites reserve Friday nights on their calendars for a special area custom, but the tradition is so ingrained in the culture they probably don't even need to write it down.

That's because the Wisconsin fish fry has become an assumed appointment with friends and family at the local watering hole, restaurant or social club. Experts say local fish fries became popular with the immigration of Europeans, especially German Catholics, to Wisconsin.

"In the old country, you used to bring whole the family into the saloons to eat, drink and be merry," said local author Jeff Hagen, who has written two books on fish fries. "It was just the way things were done, and that's the way things are done around here."

The fish fry is a generational phenomenon in Wisconsin, possibly unlike other states, said Hagen, whose first book, "Fry Me to the Moon," analyzed 125 Friday night fish fries in Wisconsin. The sequel, "Codfather 2," took Hagen to 200 fish fries throughout the Midwest, where underage bar restrictions prevent similar fish fry family traditions as in Wisconsin, he said.

The Friday fish fry is not limited to taverns, of course, though that is by far the most likely venue. I recall that on a monthly basis, there was a Friday fish fry at my elementary school, St. Agnes in Butler. It was sponsored by the Boy Scouts, I think, or perhaps the Knights of Columbus, and served in the school cafeteria, eat-in or take-out.

But the family-oriented tavern -- never "saloon," a word prohibited in Wisconsin by Prohibition-era legislation -- provided the most likely place to dig into fried fish, cole slaw, and French fries, generally served "family style" with baskets of food brought to the table and handed from one patron to another, just like in the kitchen at home.

In the 1960s and '70s, it was not uncommon to see kids as young as 4 or 5 underfoot at a tavern while their parents ordered a fish fry and a beer to accompany it. People outside Wisconsin tend to be astounded when they learn about this aspect of our state's culture. They think children and alcohol do not mix. If they had grown up as I did, however, they would not think this a strange phenomenon.

Placek reports:

Janet Gilmore, a University of Wisconsin-Madison assistant professor of landscape architecture and folklore, said the Friday night fish fry presents an opportunity for people to socialize and celebrate the end of the week. The tradition of the fish fry in Wisconsin developed partly in neighborhood working-class taverns, she said.

(Permit me a digression: a professor of "landscape architecture and folklore"? What kind of combination is that? It makes me curious.)

At the turn of the 20th century, there were about 8,000 drinking establishments in the state of Wisconsin, Gilmore said. With Prohibition, many taverns began serving food, she said.

The fish fry also arose out of the meatless Fridays custom of Catholicism, now restricted only to the Lenten season as a result of Vatican II. But local fryers say that Catholics aren't the only ones who indulge in fish on Fridays.

"It's a Wisconsin thing," said Dave Schmidt, general manager of American Serb Hall, 5101 W. Oklahoma Ave., which hosts one of Wisconsin's largest fish fries.

Coincidentally, Serb Hall was also the place where my parents celebrated their wedding reception -- not that I was there, but I was told later. But I digress again.

We often enjoyed fish fries that had family connections. We regularly went to a West Allis tavern owned and operated by my Uncle Clyde's in-laws, Scottie and Mitz -- not German Catholics but brogue-tongued Scots immigrants. The front of the establishment was the bar, always bustling, while in back was a bare room set up with tables covered in plain paper. Some Chinese lanterns or Christmas lights were the only real decoration. But people didn't come for atmosphere -- they came for the food.

I learn from another family member that my Aunt Mary's

mom's "recipe" is now being served at a refurbished corner burger diner in West Allis run by Aunt Mary's nephew, and her sister JoAnne is frying fish there.

So the tradition continues.

More on the Virginia Family Values PAC

As expected, Thursday's issue of The Hook arrived in boxes and store lobbies around Charlottesville with a story about the Virginia Family Values PAC. Headlined "Whose values? Lefty PAC fights for families," the article by Courteney Stuart has some precious reactions from two of the PAC's targets, Delegate Dick Black and Delegate David Albo (both from Fairfax County).

Stuart reports that

Black stands behind his positions and his actions, and criticizes the group.

"Essentially they are a homosexual and abortion group that are trying to use a deceptive title," he says. "The problem with liberalism is that it rests on a foundation of sand," he adds. "Liberals are constantly running away from who they are. They don't want to say that they are for unnatural sex acts and the killing of children; they want to say they're for family values. I have no problem with someone who says what they stand for."

At the same time, Albo demonstrated the puzzlement similar to mine about his inclusion among the targets:

Told of the group and its website by a reporter, Delegate Albo expressed shock that he'd be included.

"It's so outrageously ridiculous," says Albo, who says he was aware of criticisms about his massive crime overhaul, HB 1053 but says the bill was reviewed extensively by attorneys at the Crime Commission, the Attorney General's office, Legislative Services, and in the Courts of Justice Committee.

"Not a single one could figure out what they [critics] were talking about," Albo insists.

Further, Albo's bill would retire Virginia's so-called "fornication" statute which has long criminalized non-marital sex. And Albo says he voted in support of the "morning after" pill.

"Either they're confused," says Albo, "or they're really just a front for a Democrat political action committee." After noticing a large photo of Greg Werkheiser, his future Democratic opponent in the 42nd-district on the site, Albo says he believes it's the latter.

Curiously, however, after the Virginia Family Values PAC started to get some press attention, Albo, together with Democratic Delegate Chap Petersen, introduced a bill to clarify last year's Marriage Affirmation Act (known during the last General Assembly as HB 751, a number that lives on in infamy). Here's the key section of the proposed law (HB 2490), with the additions in italics:

A civil union, partnership contract or other arrangement between persons of the same sex purporting to bestow the privileges or obligations of marriage is prohibited. Any such civil union, partnership contract or other arrangement entered into by persons of the same sex in another state or jurisdiction shall be void in all respects in Virginia and any contractual rights created thereby shall be void and unenforceable. The provisions of this section shall not abridge the right of any person to enter into a lawful contract that pertains to the ownership or devising of joint property, the maintenance of personal health, or the protection of private assets.

On a related note, Roanoke-based libertarian writer Brian Gottstein published a column on Wednesday called "Bills before the General Assembly that could change your life." He points to several pieces of proposed legislation that will help remove the claws of government from our backs.

Among the bills he cites are:

HB 1016 - ALLOWING GROUP INSURANCE COVERAGE TO INCLUDE NON-SPOUSES - This bill will change the law from excluding to allowing insurance coverage under a group health and accident policy to be extended to any person whom the insured group member elects, provided the extension of coverage is agreed to by the insurer and the group policyholder (Ahh, the free market at work!)

The measure also allows coverage for children who are older than 19. Currently, Virginia insurance regulations forbid insurers from offering coverage to insureds’ dependents other than spouses or children under the age of 19 (or age 25 for full-time students).

Many conservatives are concerned that this is a Domestic Partner Benefits program for homosexual partners in Virginia, but it benefits more than just that group. This bill could help people who have to take care of sick parents, relatives or unrelated children. . . .

SB 736 - REDUCES ESTATE TAXES - Eliminates Virginia’s estate taxes on estates under $10 million, or closely-held businesses and working farms.

The ultimate taxation without (self-) representation, estate taxes are very large taxes that the state and federal governments collect from you after you die and can’t complain about them. Sure, you’ve already paid income taxes, property taxes, sales taxes, and many other taxes on your money and property during your lifetime, but this is one last grab from government. The taxes are due nine months after your death, and often the family business or family farm has to be sold to pay them, because your survivors don’t have the cash to cover them. Morally, estate taxes should be eliminated completely for any size estate. . . .

SB 477 - SODOMY - Provides that sodomy is not a crime where all persons are consenting adults who are not in a public place and not engaged in prostitution.

These bills have been in front of the General Assembly for years. Finally let’s get the government out of our bedrooms! Although some sexual acts may be distasteful to you, the government shouldn’t be breaking down bedroom doors to make sure consenting adults aren’t engaging in them.

HB 587 - GIVING YOU YOUR MONEY BACK - REFUND OF SURPLUS FUNDS - Requires the state to refund surplus tax revenues to taxpayers when the surplus exceeds the amount required to be deposited in the Revenue Stabilization Fund (a.k.a. “the rainy day fund") by at least $50 million.

To that list I'd add HB 826, patroned by Delegate Terrie Suit, which helps level the playing field between property owners and government "authorities" that use eminent domain to condemn property even when it is not for "public use" as traditionally defined. This bill is intended to strengthen a now-weak Virginia "Landowner's Bill of Rights."

All of these bills are worthy of consideration. If you live in Virginia, be sure to write to your state Senators and Delegates and ask them to vote for the taxpayer's interest, not the tax-absorber's interest.



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