Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Christmas Shopping List

And now for a break from political posts ...

Do you have a hard-to-shop-for friend or relative? Are you looking for quirky gifts that may not be available at Kmart or Target or even Amazon.com? Searching for something for that proverbial "man who has everything"?

Try some of these stocking stuffers from TLA Video's online store. Just be sure to have a camera on hand to capture the expression on those faces on Christmas morning!

It's Okay to Be Gay Playing Cards
(Maybe not a total break from politics, if you believe the personal is the political.) Says the retailer: "Of course it's okay to be gay! Just incase you forget, however, this novelty deck of playing cards features a friendly illustrated reminder on the back. Let's see if your friends can stop laughing long enough to put on their poker faces."

Latter Days T-Shirt
Here's a complement to that Mormon beefcake calendar you've been craving. According to TLA Video: "People have been asking for it for years and it is finally here! This stylish light blue American Apparel T-Shirt sporting the logo to director C. Jay Cox's beloved gay classic Latter Days is made from 100% Fine Jersey cotton. Combed for ultra-softness and comfort, this is, truly, one of the best-looking T-shirts available."

Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit
For the impious primpers on your shopping list, try this gift that combines good grooming with bad taste. Writes Robert O'Neill, tongue firmly in cheek, "The Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit is designed to help you get on the good side of our Lord and Savior. It redeems you in his eyes and takes the edge off sinning. Included is a mirrored Jesus statuette, vanilla nectar lip balm, Easter-lily hand & body cream (with sparkle!) and a folding mirror compact. Sure to be a big hit at parties, the Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit makes a marvelous stocking stuffer for the big guy's birthday."

Kissing Boys Coaster Set
Planning a party with lots of mistletoe hanging about? Protect your table surfaces with these cute coasters. Promoting its other products, TLA Video notes: "This adorable coaster set contains four different images from the popular TLA Releasing movies Latter Days, Another Gay Movie, The Trip and Boy Culture! Each features boys sharing intense and intimate moments with one another. They're sure to give your tummy a few butterflies every time you pick up your drink! Included are four square, 4" x 4" coasters with a heavy duty rubber base and a durable, textured polymer finish surface."

And if those coasters are insufficient for the crowd you expect on New Year's Eve, try these:

Naked Boys Singing! Coaster Set
From off-Broadway comedy to your living room, "this gorgeous coaster set," notes TLA Video, "features four different mouth-watering images of those coveted naked singing boys from the new hit musical revue Naked Boys Singing! They are sure to keep you captivated every time that you pick up your glass. Included are four square, 4" x 4" coasters with a heavy duty rubber base and a durable, textured polymer finish surface."

Instant Gay Accent Breath Spray
Never fear looking uncultured and uncouth with this in your messenger bag: According to Robert O'Neill, "Put a little ssssizzle in those s's and impresssss your friendssss with thisss peppermint flavored Instant Gay Accent Breath Spray. This is a great little novelty stocking stuffer and it's certainly good to have around on dates and at the club. It's always important to keep your breath fresh for close-up conversations and flirtations."

Handz Off Hand Cream
The Mrs. Grundys in your life may appreciate this holiday gift: "A charming little novelty item, the Handz Off Hand Cream is scented with calming coconut, buttermilk and vanilla bean. Offering 5 ounces of a long-lasting, deliciously sensual aroma (just remember not to eat it), it claims to quickly relieve users of the urge to masturbate. Does it work? Er...not really...we've tried. It appears to have the opposite effect, actually. Enjoy!"

Gay Sex! Card Game
And for the anti-Grundys among us, Robert O'Neill writes: "Not only will the Gay Sex! Card Game put some extra spice into your sex life and offer great suggestions, but it promises a good workout as well (and that's one helluva fun way to exercise). Each card features illustrations of men in creative (and frequently humorous) sexual positions. Keep this one hidden in your bedside table drawer for easy access - it's likely to generate an intensely pleasurable nightly tradition."

Diner Picture Frame
For the creative home decorator: Manufactured by Precious Memory, this picture frame is a "bit like an Edward Hopper painting, a bit like everyday life, ... just the thing for a snapshot of those favorite places and people you daydream about." Made of poly-resin, it accommodates one 4x6 picture.

Balls Soap
From the product description: "Because it's not what you've got, it's how you wash 'em! Made with a pure vegetable base, the hefty 7.0 ounce Balls Soap will grace your bod with an intoxicating lemon and jasmine fragrance. It's also sure to give a good chuckle to any lucky fellas that ask to use your shower in the morning."

For the Manichean soul in each of us come these two sets of bath products:

Virgin/Slut Soap & Washcloth Set
The catalog says: "With soothing aromas designed to suit your mood (hot or cold), The Virgin/Slut Soap and Washcloth Set is a nice addition to any bathroom. Contained in an embroidered washcloth along with two bars of soap. The Virgin Soap contains Indonesian patchouli, sandalwood & Madagascan vetivert scents while the Slut Soap contains Italian lemon, Oriental eucalyptus and bergamont."

Virgin/Slut Bubble Bath
Isn't that a cute little imp? "The Virgin/Slut Bubble Bath set contains two 6 ounce jars of frothy, fancy bubble bath to match your mood. Feeling serene and virtuous or down and dirty? The Virgin Bubble Bath contains Indonesian patchouli, sandalwood & Madagascan vetivert scents while the Slut Bubble Bath contains Italian lemon, Oriental eucalyptus and bergamont."

Celebrate Boxed Holiday Cards
You may want to buy these early in the season. TLA Video says: "The tantalizing angel on the cover of this card gives great reason to celebrate. Each of the ten cards contained in this set feature the photo shown. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Celebrate Inside: A healthy & happy holiday season."

And if you need more cards for all those new friends you made this year, there's always this angelic herald:

Snowy Angel Boxed Holiday Cards
Running into that angel in America would be enough to turn Tony Kushner into a Goldwater Republican! From TLA Video's notes: "No matter how hot he looks, that cute little angel must be chilly standing in the snow. If only you could warm him up. You can't, of course. He's only a picture on a greeting card, silly. You can, however, stuff him snugly in an envelope and send him to all of your friends for Christmas. Each of the ten cards in this set feature the tantalizing photo shown." Outside, the card says "Peace on Earth"; inside, it says "This season and throughout the year. Season's greetings."

There. Now I have done my own bit for Christmas commercialism -- and posted it on the first night of Chanukah, too. It's your turn, dear reader, to buy something from our sponsors. Just click on any of the links above and soon you'll have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head.

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