Guest Post: Why Lord of the Flies is the perfect Christmas gift for 2016

Matthew Whittle, University of Leeds


It’s the story of a society in which democracy descends into tribalism and tyranny. One of a civilisation built by those committed to the rule of law who turn on each other, scapegoating the marginalised and powerless. Ultimately, it’s a reminder of a human barbarism lying just beneath the fragile veneer of decency.

Sound familiar? That’s right: it’s the plot of Lord of the Flies, a novel about a group of English boys who survive a plane crash and are marooned on an island in the South Pacific. After a short period of harmony, a power struggle between the two leaders, Ralph and Jack, causes the group to split. Jack wins out by promising to hunt and kill a common enemy – the strange phantom living in the jungle known only as the Beast. It’s a successful campaign of fear and division.

Lord of the Flies was first published in 1954, largely in response to the rise of Nazism and the horrors of World War II. And yet, in many ways, it speaks directly to the world of 2016, where austerity, the refugee crisis, Brexit and the rise of Donald Trump have emboldened nationalist fervour and stoked societal fragmentation.

The racialised language of tribal “savagery” in the novel quite rightly makes contemporary readers bristle. It marks author William Golding’s failure to move beyond a fundamentally eurocentric and colonialist view of the world. But ultimately, the book’s message is that “savagery” is universal. It is not racially or nationally defined. It’s a moral that encourages us to reflect on just how far-right extremism has crept back into mainstream politics throughout Europe and America.

The far right traffics in the populist language of national allegiance to legitimate racism. America’s so-called alt-right, France’s National Front, UKIP and xenophobic Leavers in Britain all feed off dissatisfaction with globalisation to create enemies within. The solution to complex economic and political realities for these groups is as simple as hunting the Beast. Jack lives on in Trump, Le Pen, and Farage.

The voice of reason

In counterpoint to Jack’s sloganeering and scaremongering, Lord of the Flies gives us Piggy and Simon. The former is a firm believer in scientific progress, but he is also aware that human progress will be halted if “we get frightened of people”. Piggy is debilitated when the boys steal his glasses – his means of vision and clarity – and use them to start a fire. They instantly lose control of the flames, leading to the destruction of part of their new home. Rather than representing the first act of a united civilisation, the making of fire signals the disunity that splits the group and leads, finally, to Piggy’s death at the hands of Jack’s tribe.

If Piggy is “progress” then Simon is “reason”. He knows that the Beast isn’t real and is in fact borne of the boys’ own fear. “However Simon thought of the beast,” we’re told, “there rose before his inward sight the picture of a human at once heroic and sick.” Despite this insight, Simon is regarded as weak and is shunned.

After a lone expedition, he discovers that the Beast is no more than a dead airman – a casualty of the war raging far off in the distance, whose parachute has swept him onto the island. Simon returns to camp to share the news, but the boys’ imagination awakens a blind desire for blood. They no longer see a fellow human being, only a threat to their society. Simon’s screams are drowned out by the “tearing of teeth and claws”.

During his 1962 lecture tour of American universities, Golding discussed his reasons for writing Lord of the Flies:

My book was to say: you think that now the [Second World War] is over and an evil thing destroyed, you are safe because you are naturally kind and decent. But I know why the thing rose in Germany. I know it could happen in any country.

So far, so bleak. And yet, while Golding depicts humankind’s propensity for prejudice, there is a small glimmer of hope. After fleeing the manhunt ordered by Jack, Ralph encounters a uniformed naval officer whose vessel has landed after seeing the smoke rising from the scorched island. As Ralph weeps “for the end of innocence”, the officer turns around to let his eyes rest on his warship in the distance. This final image of the book is a moment of self-reflection. In the savagery and environmental catastrophe of the boys’ rudimentary civilisation, the adult world is afforded a vision of its own folly.

The moral of Lord of the Flies isn’t just that barbarity knows no borders. It’s also that it can be prevented from flourishing through the commitment to a shared humanity. “If humanity has a future on this planet of a hundred million years,” said Golding in his 1962 lecture, “it is unthinkable that it should spend those aeons in a ferment of national self-satisfaction and chauvinistic idiocies.”

The novel may not be a heart-warming Christmas tale, but it gifts us an unflinching portrayal of a society driven by fear. For readers in 2016, it remains both an urgent warning and an invocation.



Matthew Whittle, Teaching Fellow in English (Contemporary and Postcolonial), University of Leeds

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Gift Ideas for Black Friday

Last year, just before Thanksgiving, I wrote about the origins of "Black Friday" -- the legendary "busiest" shopping day of the year (which is not true; that happens on the Saturday before Christmas) on which retailers account books shift from red to black (another dubious claim).

This year, hopes for Black Friday are muted. Many retailers are afraid the current economic situation has made consumers wary of making large purchases, today or any other day between now and Christmas. A recent survey, reported by Reuters, suggests that the number of shoppers will be lower this year than last year during the days immediately following Thanksgiving:

Up to 128 million shoppers and would-be shoppers could be expected this holiday weekend, but the numbers represent a drop of more than 5 percent from a year ago, according to a survey released Tuesday.

Some 49 million U.S. shoppers already plan to hit stores this coming holiday weekend, prompted by pent-up demand and lured by deep discounts, according to the BIGresearch study for the National Retail Federation (NRF).

An additional 79 million would-be shoppers are playing wait-and-see, planning to suss out the weekend promotions before deciding whether to shop, the survey found.

But the 128 million people represent a drop of more than 5 percent from the 135 million people who said they would, or might shop a year ago during the Black Friday weekend, the kick-off to the holiday shopping season.

Retailers are pulling out all the stops to attract shoppers under the circumstances of the economic slowdown. For instance, Simon Malls (which include Charlottesville's Fashion Square Mall) will be opening their doors extra early this year:

Early-bird shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving is an annual tradition for holiday bargain hunters across the country. This year Simon Property Group, Inc. ... is opening its malls extra early to help consumers get an even faster jump on their holiday gift lists.

Most Simon malls will open their doors at 5:00 a.m. on Friday, November 28, the traditional start to the holiday shopping season, where consumers will be met with more retailer offers and savings and customer amenities, all under one roof.

Even on-line retailers are getting into the act, getting a jump on "Cyber Monday" (the first workday following Black Friday, when cubicle-dwellers surf the shopping sites instead of doing the work that's expected of them).

For instance, Amazon.com has a promotion called "Amazon Customers Vote," described like this:

Welcome to Amazon Customers Vote 2008, your chance to compete for our most ridiculous deals of the season. The products that get the most votes in each of six rounds will be offered at ridiculous deal prices, and the runners-up will also be offered at slightly smaller discounts. (But they'll still be sweet deals.)

* Step 1: Vote.
Browse our six rounds of great products, and vote for the ones you'd like to buy at an amazing discount.

* Step 2: Check E-mail.
Check your e-mail the day before each buying round to see if you've been randomly selected to participate in the race to buy.

* Step 3: Go!
If selected, make sure you come back and log-in early on race day. We will have many more participants than deals, so the race is on. Good luck!

Amazon has also set up a special page full of "Black Friday 2008 Deals," leading off with electronics, followed by gifts for sporty and outdoorsy types, winter apparel, home improvement bargains, and books and DVDS, among other items.

TLA Video, a specialty web site, also offers a number of quirky gift ideas for Christmas and the holiday season. (I highlighted some of those products last year, but a few of the more entertaining links are dead now.)

Those who have not yet bought, addressed, and sent out their holiday greeting cards might be interested in these choices:

Celebrate Boxed Holiday Cards

The tantalizing angel on the cover of this card gives great reason to celebrate. Each of the ten cards contained in this set feature the photo shown. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Celebrate Inside: A healthy & happy holiday season.








Christmas Homo Boxed Holiday Cards

It's simple, but it hit us right on the funny bone. Your friends are likely to get a big kick, as well. Each of the ten cards contained in the set feature this photo of a man shouting. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Merry Christmas! Inside: Homo!









Herald Angels Sing Boxed Holiday Cards

Now that is what I call an angel! Adorable! Each of the ten cards contained in this holiday set feature the captivating photo pictured. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Hark! The herald angels sing Inside: Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and a joyous New Year







Santa Quits Boxed Holiday Cards

Only one thing can be inferred from this card...Santa must be a homophobe. It's a shame, because he might fit nicely in the older bear community. Send this card to your friends and give them a holiday chuckle. Each of the ten cards in this set features the photo shown. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: A Barbie for Ben and a tool belt for Jane! Inside: I quit!




Wishing Joy & Love Boxed Holiday Cards

Awww. This card carries a sweet sentiment to share with your friends and neighbors this holiday season. Each of the ten cards in this gorgeous set feature the scrumptious angel pictured. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Joy to the World Inside: Wishing joy and love to you and yours this holiday season






For those more interested in playing cards than greeting cards, TLA Video has these provocative game decks available:





Truth or Dare Poker Card Game

Add some naughty, taboo fun to your favorite card games. The Truth or Dare Poker Card Game contains the standard 52 cards found in any deck along with probing truth questions and hilarious dares on each card. Win a game and you get to assign truths or dares to the other players of your choice. The better your poker hand, the more people you get to challenge. Truth example: What are you most ashamed to admit you own? Dare example: Perform a puppet show with dirty sweat socks.











Playgirl Playing Cards

This official poker deck features 52 different hot, buff men from Playgirl for your own personal playing enjoyment. Just don't let these studs distract you from your poker strategy and try not to drool all over the cards either...other players have to use them too.









No doubt there is someone on your gift list who likes soft skin and pleasant aromas, and there is plenty to choose from on that score:


Pear Trio Box

TLA is proud to offer this gorgeous, eye-catching gift set containing a trio of intoxicating pear-scented bath and body products from duross & langel. Fairly dripping with sweet and yummy yellow pear set within a white shea butter soap base and blended with pear nectar. Included in this set are shower gel, body cream, and soap.

Peppermint Trio Box

TLA is proud to offer this gorgeous, eye-catching gift set containing a trio of intoxicating peppermint-scented bath and body products from duross & langel. Soothe your senses and calm your soul with a unique and invigorating blend of peppermint oils. This set also includes soap, shower gel, and body cream.

Nothing makes a better stocking-stuffer than a classic Christmas DVD. It comes as no surprise that TLA Video offers a large selection. Just a few to start with:

Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July

You would have to search far and wide to find anyone who disagrees with the view that this is simply one of the worst animated Christmas movies ever made, and therefore it must be seen to be believed. TLA Video's synopsis barely skims the surface:

"Long, long ago, the North Pole was ruled by the good fairy Lady Boreal and her enemy was the wicked wizard Winterbolt. To protect Santa Claus from Winterbolt's foggy fury, Lady Boreal grants Rudolph the Reindeer a magical, glowing nose. Years later, Rudolph and his friend Frosty the Snowman are called on to save a needy circus at a special 4th of July benefit. But their big-top act turns to big-time trouble when Winterbolt appears - with a plan to steal Frosty's magic hat and extinguish Rudolph's legendary nose!"

The cast includes Ethel Merman, Mickey Rooney, Red Buttons, and Shelley Winters. Yes, really.








The Judy Garland Christmas Show

If you prefer something with lasting quality rather than something that requires an airsickness bag while watching, then this Judy Garland Christmas special is for you. As long as you can overlook Judy's barely hidden state of intoxication, you will be delighted by this episode of her early-60s TV series. Judy is joined by daughter Liza Minnelli and friend Jack Jones and Mel Torme.












A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!

Now, if 45-year-old classics are not your preference, then you can't miss with tomorrow's nostalgia: Stephen Colbert premiered his Christmas special just a few days ago, and the DVD is already available for purchase. (How long did we have to wait for Rudolph and Frosty?) Includes unforgettable musical sequences in which Stephen sings with Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, Feist, Elvis Costello, John Legend, and Jon Stewart.







With 2009 just around the corner, it's time to buy a calendar for the new year. There are so many to choose from, so here's a sampling:



Wizard of Oz 2009 Calendar

Seventy years after its premiere in theaters, The Wizard of Oz™ remains one of the most beloved movie classics of all time. This calendar celebrates the seventieth anniversary of Dorothy's journey Over the Rainbow. It features a high-process cover with glittery Ruby Slippers, foil type and borders, and spot UV accents. The monthly spreads also boast spot UV as well metallic inks and vivid photos befitting the time-honored film.









Ugly Betty 2009 Calendar

Ugly Betty boasts nearly 15 million viewers per episode and has won countless awards. The show also earned eleven Emmy nominations, the most for any comedy series on any network. This calendar brings together the unique humor, original style, and edgy look of this hit show by featuring photographs of the all-star cast accompanied by images and dialogue from the show.










Desperate Housewives 2009 Calendar

Says TLA Video: "Consistently garnering nearly 19 million viewers per episode, Desperate Housewives is one of our favorite guilty pleasures (especially now that the hunky gay neighbors have moved in)! The women of Wisteria Lane are back for another smokin' hot year of gorgeous photos and bitchy dialogue."










And, for those who saw Heidi Klum on Jay Leno's show on Thanksgiving Eve ... while I could not track down the "Hollywood Fireman" calendar that the supermodel displayed, I was able to find the Sunset Strip Firemen 2009 Calendar, which should be a satisfactory substitute.







Finally, I should note that TLA Video is having a marathon sale this weekend, beginning on Thanksgiving Day and ending at 11:59 p.m. on December 2. Look for "Gift Ideas for Film Snobs" and "Perfect Gifts," among other categories.

If you haven't crossed off every name from your Xmas shopping list by now, you're just not trying!

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Beefcake Update

Last October, I reported on a new calendar featuring Mormon men in various states of dishabille.

Called "Men on a Mission," it was designed to introduce people to the Mormon faith in a rather unconventional manner.

Now it turns out that the creator and marketer of the calendar, Chad Hardy, has been excommunicated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormon church, that is).

According to the Daily Telegraph in London:

The creator of a calendar featuring pictures of bare-chested Mormon missionaries has been excommunicated after a disciplinary meeting with local church leaders in Las Vegas.

Chad Hardy, 31, said he accepted the decision and had "no ill feelings" towards the council of elders from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"I felt like I spoke my truth," the Las Vegas-based life-long Mormon said. "Bottom line, they still felt the calendar is inappropriate and not the image that the church wants to have."

....Frank E Davie, leader of a group of Mormon congregations in the Las Vegas area, confirmed the 12-member council's decision but would not comment further.

Once excommunicated, a person can still attend services but is removed from official church rolls, prohibited from receiving the sacrament, entering church temples and performing church callings such as teaching or preaching during meetings.

An earlier report in the Las Vegas Sun noted the reasons Hardy was facing discipline from his church:

A lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Chad Hardy was summoned by letter to a Sunday meeting with a council of elders to discuss his "conduct unbecoming a member of the church."

The Sun's article suggests that Hardy achieved the sort of dialogue he was seeking to unfurl:

Blog entries on the social networking sites MySpace and Facebook show a range of reactions to Hardy's work. Some find it offensive and say it degrades the church by displaying missionaries as sex symbols, and that it contradicts church teachings about modest dress for all members.

Others praise the effort for rattling perceptions that Mormons are "stuffy." Some who identified themselves as younger Mormons said the calendar might make it easier for their non-Mormon friends to consider exploring the faith.

"It has created an interfaith dialogue," Hardy said. "People of all faiths have logged on and shared what they believe. They're talking about what's really important, not how bad it is that you took your shirt off."

Despite the excommunication, the 2009 "Men on a Mission" calendar has already been sent to the printers and will be ready for stuffing stockings this Christmas.

Last-Minute Christmas Shopping Ideas

The busy folks at Amazon.com took the time to send me an email reminder about last-minute Christmas shopping, saying

Order now and have your packages shipped fast.
For Two-Day Shipping, order as late as
3 p.m. PST (time varies by item) on Thursday, December 20.

For One-Day Shipping, order as late as
1 p.m. PST (time varies by item) on Saturday, December 22.

Taking a cue from that, I thought I might revisit some of the books that I have discussed here over the past year or so, since blog readers tend to be readers first and surfers second.

For example, in June, under the heading "Scenes from a Debate Season," I quoted a long passage from Gary Alan Fine's book, Gifted Tongues: High School Debate and Adolescent Culture -- which might make a nice gift for anyone who enjoys the new Golden Globe-nominated film, The Great Debaters, starring (and directed by) Oscar-winner Denzel Washington.

Also in June, in a post called "Judy Garland and Homosexual Identity," I highlighted what I called "a darling coffee table book," When I Knew, edited by Robert Trachtenberg and illustrated by Tom Bachtell, saying:

When I Knew is a compilation of memories from gay men and lesbians from all walks of life (though a disproportionate number of them, it seems, are somehow connected to the entertainment industry), with a specific reference to the identifiable moment of their discoveries of being gay. It's a quick read, with only a handful of entries longer than a page. Many of the authors are well-known as adults and their childhood memories are sweet, bittersweet, sometime campy, sometimes wry, and always illustrative of what it is like to grow up gay in a straight world.

In March, I reported on two events featuring authors. The first, at the Cato Institute,

Brian Doherty summarized, in about ten minutes, his 800-page retrospective, Radicals for Capitalism: A Freewheeling History of the Modern American Libertarian Movement.

At the other, in Charlottesville,

syndicated radio talk-show host Neal Boortz spoke to about 200 fans and signed copies of his new book, Somebody's Gotta Say It.

(Boortz is also co-author of the best-selling The Fair Tax Book.)

In April, under the headline, "The Pope's Medieval Economics," I wrote:

Pope Benedict XVI, in a new book scheduled to be published next month, condemns the West for exploiting the Third World. News reports about the book -- called Jesus of Nazareth and excerpted earlier this week in the Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera (which happens to be owned by Rizzoli, the publishers of the book) -- do not indicate whether the pontiff similarly condemns the rulers of Third World countries for their kleptocratic practices that serve to keep their subjects in poverty while the government elites party like the wealthy title character in the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus.

Somehow I doubt he does, since -- whatever the Pope's merits as a theologian and rhetorician, which are considerable -- he lacks an understanding of basic economics.

I followed that up the next month with a post entitled "Jesus, the Pope, and a Rabbi," noting:

Rabbi Jacob Neusner, a professor of the history and theology of Judaism at Bard College, explains how a 14-year-old book of his ended up playing a central role in a new book by Pope Benedict XVI called Jesus of Nazareth.

Rabbi Neusner writes:

In my 1993 book “A Rabbi Talks With Jesus,” I imagined being present at the Sermon on the Mount, when Jesus taught Torah like Moses on Sinai. I explained why, for good and substantial reasons based in the Torah, I would not have followed Jesus but would have remained true to God’s teaching to Moses. Much to my surprise, Pope Benedict XVI, in his new book “Jesus of Nazareth,” devotes much of his chapter on the Sermon on the Mount to discussing my book.

“More than other interpretations known to me, this respectful and frank dispute between a believing Jew and Jesus, the son of Abraham, has opened my eyes to the greatness of Jesus’ words and to the choice that the gospel places before us,” the pope writes.

He ties this exchange of ideas to a lamentably lost tradition of disputation between religions, a tradition that was lively in the Middle Ages but began to decline during the Renaissance and nearly disappeared during and after the Enlightenment, when theories of religious tolerance gained ground (a good thing in comparison to the persecutions and pogroms that preceded it).

When discussing books, it simply is not possible to avoid the topic of Harry Potter. In a post called "Harry Potter: Economic Dynamo," I quoted extensively from a report about the business generated by the Harry Potter empire. The quotation said in part:

Here is a unique look at the Harry Potter effect.

— Book sales (Nielsen BookScan) - Since 1998, when Nielsen began measuring book sales in the United Kingdom, the six Harry Potter books have sold more than 22.5 million copies in the UK alone. In the United States, the Harry Potter titles published after 2001 have sold more than 27.7 million copies.

— Box Office sales (Nielsen EDI) - Combined, the first four Harry Potter films have grossed more than $3.5 billion worldwide. The first film, “Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone,” is the fourth all-time highest grossing film worldwide.

— Advertising (Nielsen Monitor-Plus) - In the U.S., ad spend for all Harry Potter branded merchandise (including books, movies, DVDs and other promotional products) totals $269.1 million from 1998 to date. Outside of the U.S. from 2000 to date, $119.3 million was spent on total advertising for all Harry Potter branded merchandise in Canada, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Switzerland, and the U.K.

The Harry Potter phenomenon now consists of seven books, five movies, and countless spin-off products, among them:


Changing directions completely, one cannot forget "Mormon Beefcake," sparked by a Washington Post story about a new 2008 calendar featuring hunky (male) Mormon missionaries. The 2008 Men on a Mission Calendar generated a lot of buzz and has turned into a best-seller. Whether it is an effective proselytizing tool remains to be seen.


Last month, in "Geography and Literature for $400, Alex," I noted how the books of Kurt Vonnegut are still selling well, months after the author's death and often decades after they were first published, and selling much better than books by his contemporaries, Norman Mailer and William Styron. I cited an AP story that reported:

While Mr. Vonnegut's death in April led to a significant jump in sales for his books, the change was far smaller for the works of Mr. Mailer and Mr. Styron, both of whom, unlike Mr. Vonnegut, won Pulitzer Prizes. Books by all three writers are still used in classrooms, but Mr. Vonnegut's are read more both on and off campus.

"I think it has something to do with the fact that Vonnegut has more of a word-of-mouth following. He's a little more pulpy and countercultural," says Keith McEvoy, general manager of Shakespeare & Co. Booksellers in downtown Manhattan. "We had a huge spike after Vonnegut died, but I didn't see anything like that for Mailer or Styron."

Other books by Mr. Vonnegut are also strongly outselling his contemporaries. "Cat's Cradle" has sold nearly 130,000 copies since 2006, according to Nielsen BookScan, and "Breakfast of Champions" totals 74,000. Meanwhile, Mr. Styron's "The Confessions of Nat Turner," winner of the Pulitzer in 1968, has sold less than 2,000 since 2006, while Mr. Mailer's "The Armies of the Night," a Pulitzer winner in 1969, sold just 3,000.

In one of my several vblog-posts (vblog = video blog) about the Virginia Film Festival, I reported about screenwriter Stewart Stern's lifelong love for Peter Pan in all its incarnations -- book, play, movie, musical, and more. Stern's uncle was Adolph Zukor, who produced the first film (silent) version of the classic children's story, and his remembrances were charming. (One might say as enchanting as fairy dust.)


There are plenty more books (including plays) that I discussed this past year that are not mentioned here. To my surprise, this has turned into a retrospective of this year's blogging, although it may seem a bit mercenary. Really, I will not complain in the least if, while reading this, you choose to buy something from one of my advertisers -- if not Amazon.com, then TLA Video's online store (see "Christmas Shopping List"). Or, if you're really pleased, there's always the tip jar.

Green Chri$tma$, indeed -- but a merry one, too, followed by a happy new year!

Christmas Shopping List

And now for a break from political posts ...

Do you have a hard-to-shop-for friend or relative? Are you looking for quirky gifts that may not be available at Kmart or Target or even Amazon.com? Searching for something for that proverbial "man who has everything"?

Try some of these stocking stuffers from TLA Video's online store. Just be sure to have a camera on hand to capture the expression on those faces on Christmas morning!


It's Okay to Be Gay Playing Cards
(Maybe not a total break from politics, if you believe the personal is the political.) Says the retailer: "Of course it's okay to be gay! Just incase you forget, however, this novelty deck of playing cards features a friendly illustrated reminder on the back. Let's see if your friends can stop laughing long enough to put on their poker faces."






Latter Days T-Shirt
Here's a complement to that Mormon beefcake calendar you've been craving. According to TLA Video: "People have been asking for it for years and it is finally here! This stylish light blue American Apparel T-Shirt sporting the logo to director C. Jay Cox's beloved gay classic Latter Days is made from 100% Fine Jersey cotton. Combed for ultra-softness and comfort, this is, truly, one of the best-looking T-shirts available."











Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit
For the impious primpers on your shopping list, try this gift that combines good grooming with bad taste. Writes Robert O'Neill, tongue firmly in cheek, "The Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit is designed to help you get on the good side of our Lord and Savior. It redeems you in his eyes and takes the edge off sinning. Included is a mirrored Jesus statuette, vanilla nectar lip balm, Easter-lily hand & body cream (with sparkle!) and a folding mirror compact. Sure to be a big hit at parties, the Looking Good for Jesus Mini-Kit makes a marvelous stocking stuffer for the big guy's birthday."











Kissing Boys Coaster Set
Planning a party with lots of mistletoe hanging about? Protect your table surfaces with these cute coasters. Promoting its other products, TLA Video notes: "This adorable coaster set contains four different images from the popular TLA Releasing movies Latter Days, Another Gay Movie, The Trip and Boy Culture! Each features boys sharing intense and intimate moments with one another. They're sure to give your tummy a few butterflies every time you pick up your drink! Included are four square, 4" x 4" coasters with a heavy duty rubber base and a durable, textured polymer finish surface."







And if those coasters are insufficient for the crowd you expect on New Year's Eve, try these:

Naked Boys Singing! Coaster Set
From off-Broadway comedy to your living room, "this gorgeous coaster set," notes TLA Video, "features four different mouth-watering images of those coveted naked singing boys from the new hit musical revue Naked Boys Singing! They are sure to keep you captivated every time that you pick up your glass. Included are four square, 4" x 4" coasters with a heavy duty rubber base and a durable, textured polymer finish surface."











Instant Gay Accent Breath Spray
Never fear looking uncultured and uncouth with this in your messenger bag: According to Robert O'Neill, "Put a little ssssizzle in those s's and impresssss your friendssss with thisss peppermint flavored Instant Gay Accent Breath Spray. This is a great little novelty stocking stuffer and it's certainly good to have around on dates and at the club. It's always important to keep your breath fresh for close-up conversations and flirtations."












Handz Off Hand Cream
The Mrs. Grundys in your life may appreciate this holiday gift: "A charming little novelty item, the Handz Off Hand Cream is scented with calming coconut, buttermilk and vanilla bean. Offering 5 ounces of a long-lasting, deliciously sensual aroma (just remember not to eat it), it claims to quickly relieve users of the urge to masturbate. Does it work? Er...not really...we've tried. It appears to have the opposite effect, actually. Enjoy!"









Gay Sex! Card Game
And for the anti-Grundys among us, Robert O'Neill writes: "Not only will the Gay Sex! Card Game put some extra spice into your sex life and offer great suggestions, but it promises a good workout as well (and that's one helluva fun way to exercise). Each card features illustrations of men in creative (and frequently humorous) sexual positions. Keep this one hidden in your bedside table drawer for easy access - it's likely to generate an intensely pleasurable nightly tradition."



Diner Picture Frame
For the creative home decorator: Manufactured by Precious Memory, this picture frame is a "bit like an Edward Hopper painting, a bit like everyday life, ... just the thing for a snapshot of those favorite places and people you daydream about." Made of poly-resin, it accommodates one 4x6 picture.







Balls Soap
From the product description: "Because it's not what you've got, it's how you wash 'em! Made with a pure vegetable base, the hefty 7.0 ounce Balls Soap will grace your bod with an intoxicating lemon and jasmine fragrance. It's also sure to give a good chuckle to any lucky fellas that ask to use your shower in the morning."









For the Manichean soul in each of us come these two sets of bath products:


Virgin/Slut Soap & Washcloth Set
The catalog says: "With soothing aromas designed to suit your mood (hot or cold), The Virgin/Slut Soap and Washcloth Set is a nice addition to any bathroom. Contained in an embroidered washcloth along with two bars of soap. The Virgin Soap contains Indonesian patchouli, sandalwood & Madagascan vetivert scents while the Slut Soap contains Italian lemon, Oriental eucalyptus and bergamont."












Virgin/Slut Bubble Bath
Isn't that a cute little imp? "The Virgin/Slut Bubble Bath set contains two 6 ounce jars of frothy, fancy bubble bath to match your mood. Feeling serene and virtuous or down and dirty? The Virgin Bubble Bath contains Indonesian patchouli, sandalwood & Madagascan vetivert scents while the Slut Bubble Bath contains Italian lemon, Oriental eucalyptus and bergamont."












Celebrate Boxed Holiday Cards
You may want to buy these early in the season. TLA Video says: "The tantalizing angel on the cover of this card gives great reason to celebrate. Each of the ten cards contained in this set feature the photo shown. Here's the copy inside and outside the card: Outside: Celebrate Inside: A healthy & happy holiday season."











And if you need more cards for all those new friends you made this year, there's always this angelic herald:


Snowy Angel Boxed Holiday Cards
Running into that angel in America would be enough to turn Tony Kushner into a Goldwater Republican! From TLA Video's notes: "No matter how hot he looks, that cute little angel must be chilly standing in the snow. If only you could warm him up. You can't, of course. He's only a picture on a greeting card, silly. You can, however, stuff him snugly in an envelope and send him to all of your friends for Christmas. Each of the ten cards in this set feature the tantalizing photo shown." Outside, the card says "Peace on Earth"; inside, it says "This season and throughout the year. Season's greetings."









There. Now I have done my own bit for Christmas commercialism -- and posted it on the first night of Chanukah, too. It's your turn, dear reader, to buy something from our sponsors. Just click on any of the links above and soon you'll have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head.